Dealing With Your Own Mortality…Again and Again

Life is so cyclical. Birth, childhood, adulthood, the golden years and finally the end. Most folks don’t spend much time pondering about the end. I mean why would anyone do that to themselves. It kind of negates every hope, dream, and aspiration you’ll ever have or desire to have. So, why do I go through these periods where nearly every waking moment is about “the end?” I know I can’t be the only one who worries about death. Years ago some great wordsmith coined death as ‘the great equalizer’. No matter what you have, who you are, or what you’ve accomplished…your end will be the same as mine.

…and to be perfectly honest…most of the time that’s the only solace I have regarding the whole “end” thing.

Watching Your Parents Age Can Be Tough

I can’t remember when I found out that my mother and I are 23 years apart. But it saved me some embarrassing moments. Like the time I told my first grade teacher that my mom was 16! That meant she was 10 years old when she gave birth to me. My mom loved doing crazy things like that and sometimes, she admitted years later, she’d say anything to shut me up. I was a non-stop talker as a kid which I’ve discovered through raising two of my own….can grate on your nerves like nails on a chalk board.

If you’re a parent, you’ve mastered the art of listening attentively when necessary….and invoking the “Mmmm Hmmm”…. “Hmmmm”…. “We’ll see”…. responses for those times that you really aren’t.

A few weeks ago I was taking my mom to a doctor’s appointment. I could tell she was nervous and I did everything I could to try and allay her fears. I looked over at her and in those few seconds it finally dawned on me that my mother is getting on up there in years. She’s a year old than her mother was when she died and I’m a year older than my mother was when this loss occurred.

Because I can better relate to the situation all these years later I have a more keen sense of how monumental and devastating that loss was. I mean I don’t know about you but I cannot imagine a world without my mother in it. She’s the one thing that has been constant in my life since I entered this world.

….Okay…okay…enough of that. I get sweaty palms thinking about it.

Oh…the doctor’s appointment….

Everything was fine. Clean bill of health and we’ll follow up in 6 months to a year. Good deal. We spent the rest of the day shopping, after an amazing lunch, and catching up on all the hot family gossip!

It’s funny how your mother seems larger than life, knowing all the right things to say and do when you’re growing up. Truth be told  they’re flying by the seat of their pants and hoping everything turns out okay.

Parenting can be broken down into two methods:

1. Parenting like their parents parented them

2. Parenting the exact opposite of the way their parents parented them

Often times we mix the two…but these two models are pretty much what every kid this side of the Milky Way gets.

I understand and have accepted the fact that our roles haven’t completely reversed yet but we are on the cusp of the inevitability that one day I will care for her with just as much love and adoration  as she has given me.

Watching Your Kids Grow Up Is Another Sobering Reminder of “The End”…if they don’t kill you first!

I swear to gawd it seems like just yesterday that my babies were running around in Spiderman undies, fuzzy wuzzy Thomas The Train slippers, and matching outfits

….uh…yeah, although the weren’t twins, I was that mom… don’t judge me!

Now one progeny is a fully grown adult and the other one is just a couple of years away. Where did the time go? And will whatever remains fly by as quickly.

I hope not…I’m actually just at a point where I can really kick my shoes off, let my fro down and have some real fun.

I’ve done my time…and now it’s time for me…

Will I Have That Time Tho….

That’s a question that has yet to be answered. I’m certainly banking on it and actively doing my part to have a fighting chance.

Several years ago I gave up smoking. Yay me!! Nasty habit that I never should have started but hell…look on the bright side….it could have been crack!

I do the smoothie thing…limit my meat consumption, exercise regularly and, for the most part, have a pretty amazing outlook on life.

I’m doing my part which is all any of us can do….

And even though I get caught up in my feelings about life’s end from time to time, I wouldn’t trade this existence I’ve had for anything in this world….

….wouldn’t want to do it over again…but definitely wouldn’t trade it…

Life is good….

 

 

Forget The Kegels Bihhh…We Good

Man, I swear to gawd you can log on the the inter nets at any given moment of the day and find some monumentally mind blowing shit. From splicing human and animal embryos to news of Russia cyber fucking one of the cornerstones of our democracy – elections. There’s always a story to be told. My most recent revelation was an article about sexbots.

The author of the article shares her thoughts on the inevitable obsolescence of the red blooded woman to be replaced by mother (no pun intended) boards, wiring and turbocharger accessibility.

One can only hope that human contact and social interaction remain a vital part of this thing called life.

Eerily reminiscent of so many sci-fi movies I’ve seen. Everyone who’s anyone will have one. I don’t think “women” are in jeopardy of becoming obsolete. There will be levels to this madness.

Side chick roles may diminish as Don Juan can have an assortment of artificial side chicks in his basement without fear of a felony conviction.

The North Pole, Christian Hellions, and Mythical Pagan Icons

Swear to gawd, I can’t make this stuff up. So, the Mall of America recently hit up one of the upstanding inner city areas of the North Pole looking for a black Santa to bewitch and beguile legions of little ones into at least 2 to 3 weeks of nicety nice-ness  prior to falling into that sweet Christmas eve slumber that will hopefully be followed by a morning where all their dreams come true.

For the first time in the mall’s nearly 20+ year history shoppers and excited little ones would have an opportunity to see that cultural diversity isn’t just a work thing. It’s actually alive and well outside of the mandatorily required confines of our place of employment, even at the North Pole. I mean Santa is a mythical PAGAN icon….and surely occasionally hiring one that looks like little boys and girls of color could only be viewed as a good thing, right?

Well…obviously Christian hellions didn’t get the memo!

The mall’s website was inundated with some of the most vile racist comments you could imagine. So much so that the site removed and disabled the comment section of the post announcing Saint Nick’s new look.

((insert an extremely sad face))

In all honesty, I wasn’t surprised. I posted about it on one of my many social media platforms. I knew there would be gnashing of teeth from the hellions who love to associate themselves with the teachings of Jesus Christ.

((side eye))

One of the most revered Christian holidays couldn’t quell the stench of racism and hatred in this country.

Notwithstanding the fact that Claus, the Christmas tree and just about everything else that evangelicals have been bitching about losing that’s related to the holiday IS PAGAN AF! But that I’m afraid is a subject for a whole other post.

So far, the mall is proceeding as planned and black Santa seems to be settling in quite nicely. Although, I’m sure he’ll be glad when this gig is up. He can head back to Texas…oops I mean the North Pole and resume his life post “the Santa all the Christian hellions hated” days.

As young parents (with our first child), my husband and I lied to our oldest about Santa. All the nicest gifts…..the ones he really wanted the most…were always from SANTA CLAUS.

Boy Bye!

After I was fed up with letting the old chubby white guy take all the credit for our hard earned work, we wised up. We started throwing hints around left and right about this Santa lie. Until finally the kid realized it was all a big con anyway.

And of course when our youngest came along, the oldest took pleasure in bursting his bubble with the dreaded “THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS” ….the words many parents fear their sweet little angels will hear far far too soon any way. It’s cool….They really aren’t that innocent anyway. Trust and believe…they know it’s lie…They’re just playing you to see if “Santa” will bring them all the stuff their parents really can’t afford…

Slick asses….

Got me to thinking though…

Maybe we should just stop lying to our kids, period. Tooth fairies, Santa, Easter bunnies…

Seriously….

It’s a wonder kids make it out of our nurturing nests of delusional mind fuckery with any sanity at all….

 

Justice and Liberty Ain’t For All

We’ll never know why Walter Scott decided to run from former South Carolina police officer Michael Slager. Maybe his delinquent child support payments had something to do with it. Or maybe he’s like many black men in America these days …..scared to fucking death when they’re involved in an encounter with the police.

None of that matters though. Running, resisting, or being argumentative with law enforcement SHOULD NOT BE A DEATH SENTENCE!

I REPEAT …SHOULD NOT BE A DEATH SENTENCE!!

I suppose we just expected too much. I mean there was the eye witness video of  Slager firing eight shots at Scott’s back, hitting him five times.

And then there was the shabby coverup and false narrative about the taser we saw him (Slager) dropping beside the body of the decedent.

One would think 12 people would have had no problem unanimously finding this scum guilty of cold blooded murder!

This is one of the few cases that has advocates for Black, White, and Blue Lives agreeing on one thing – Slager’s guilt. Yet we’re where we’ve been so many times before in America….

…. A Hung Jury….

Nothing new when you look at the long, painful history of injustices that have been intricately woven into the black experience in America since the founding of our republic.

Roy Bryant and J.W. Milan were just two who came to mind who enjoyed good ol fashioned southern justice after being found NOT GUILTY of murdering Emmett Till.

The jury took just an hour and seven minutes to return the not guilty verdict. One juror said it wouldn’t have taken that long, but they stopped to take a soda pop break to “make it look good.”

My God….

Is this the country I was born in…a citizen of a country that devalues the lives of people of color in every way they possibly can.

The evidence on Slager was solid and damning, certain to yield a conviction. The only thing IMO any more incriminating would have been a freaking recorded confession.

Yet…he’s still free.

Is it the system ….the people…..the skin color of the victim….

Why does justice keep eluding us.

The Trump Train Takeover

So Donald Trump chopped it up with the President of Taiwan and folks are literally flipping out. I say it’s all part of the GOP’s master plan.

Although I don’t think Donald Trump has any idea what’s going on, his advisers do and they love making the media aware of his many missteps. They love to fuel the flame and then his supporters want to bash media outlets for reporting what they’ve been given via press releases/statements.

Nobody is suggesting that America should cower or dance to anyone else’s music. But diplomacy has quelled many issues that would have resulted in military action otherwise. It would behoove this administration to take note and stop attempting to instigate a pissing contest with other superpowers.

Personally, I think Trump is being set up to be the fall guy so Pence (the one the Conservative party not base, really want) can slide right in. I mean the man isn’t even taking daily intel briefings. How concerned could he really be about our safety?

And y’all really don’t want this dude….

How Badly Do You Really Wanna Know

In today’s world of dating, you can be almost whoever you wanna be during the proverbial “courtship” phase. With online hookups becoming the most popular (only second to the good old fashioned chance meetings in real life), everyone has an opportunity to put their best foot forward.

You upload all these amazing pics…..Facetuned selfies, snapshots of those 3 times you worked out last year, pics of when you vacationed in Cancun…I mean anybody who scans your profile would be crazy not to pounce on a chance to get with you.

…And don’t even think about trying to fake it like we did back during the chatroom days of the mid 90s when the right A/S/L was assured to get you a steamy session in the infamous “WHISPER BOX”.  Hell, we were catfishing before catfishing was a word. I was the copy/paste queen back then. I could be a perky petite blond on Monday and an athletically toned chocolate brown vixen by Friday. All you had to do was gauge the pulse of the room you were in. You could literally be EVERY WOMAN….(in my Whitney Houston voice)

But just like real world dating reality will eventually bite and with Skype, video cam and other bubble bursting technological advances the truth will come out…so it’s best to be straight up from day one and save yourself the BS.

……which brings me to the point of this post.

For those who don’t know I’m a TV series binger. There’s nothing more fulfilling for me than grabbing my favorite blanket, my Firestick remote and nestle comfortably on the couch for a day long session of my favorite shows. The newest kid on the block, in my plethora of favorites, is Insecure. It’s Issa Rae’s debut series, airing on HBO.

In one of the episodes, her BFF Molly, who’s luck with men inspired Issa’s impromptu open mic rap “Broken Pussy” (yeah…hunty…it’s that bad)…has seemingly met a guy that’s perfect…or as close to perfect as one can hope for these days.

After some hot steamy sex, they’re eating leftovers, basking in the afterglow, and having a little candid convo. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Those casual conversations you have where you’re listening to him, he’s listening to you and you’re just vibing….

He shares stories about his countless escapades (….and you’re either laying across his chest or propped up with your head resting on your cupped hand…and you’re mentally taking notes like a stenographer). This will either be filed in the shit to use against him later or things I swear to gawd I’ll never do folder!

You know not to share too much about your past love life because GIRL RULE #5 – men cannot fathom the idea that their potential girl has been with more than 5 previous sex partners. So you casually mention the first five you can remember and pray you don’t forget.

(THE REAL NUMBER IS BETWEEN YOU AND GAWD!!)

Well…back to Molly.

Her boo casually mentions that one time in college he hooked up with a guy and got some head!

….Wait….whet?

He keeps chomping on his cup of Ramen noodles like he didn’t just say what you know you heard him say. Meanwhile, life as you know it as come to a screeching freakin’ halt!!

Now…keep in mind…this is a great guy. Your dream guy, who makes it clear that he’s not gay and would never think of doing anything even remotely close to that again.

(Blank stare….side eye….clutch pearls…mouth drop)

Molly’s entire life has been handed to her in all of 30 seconds. She completely forgets about the fact that she told him, not 10 minutes ago, that she made out with another chick during college. Oooooh….no…but that’s different right. I mean that’s socially acceptable.

Girls making out with each other is totally cool. But knowing that your boo thang got Monica Lewinski’d by another guy!!!

Are you f**king kidding me!!!! Do you even have to ask!!!!!

I must admit the scene had me rethinking my own life. I mean it’s not like me and this guy are brand new. We’ve had sex at least 10 times and each time has been better than the last. But for a moment I had to ask myself how would feel if that type info was revealed to me by someone I was really feeling.

He’s been with a guy….once. And I’ve been with a girl…once. So, who’s right….who’s wrong….who’s gay…who’s not….

Soooo…. I polled a few folks. Every guy I asked had the same answer…

Dude is gay!!!!!! If a man allows another man to touch him, he’s gay…and don’t ask me that shit again!

On the other hand women had varying views. Some felt this automatically makes dude gay. Some didn’t see where there should be a problem and some weren’t sure what to think.

Keep in mind….hardly anyone gave a second thought to Molly’s admission of having experimented with another woman.

So where do you fall in this conundrum….

Is he gay? Was he gay? Does it matter? And why……