Life is so cyclical. Birth, childhood, adulthood, the golden years and finally the end. Most folks don’t spend much time pondering about the end. I mean why would anyone do that to themselves. It kind of negates every hope, dream, and aspiration you’ll ever have or desire to have. So, why do I go through these periods where nearly every waking moment is about “the end?” I know I can’t be the only one who worries about death. Years ago some great wordsmith coined death as ‘the great equalizer’. No matter what you have, who you are, or what you’ve accomplished…your end will be the same as mine.
…and to be perfectly honest…most of the time that’s the only solace I have regarding the whole “end” thing.
Watching Your Parents Age Can Be Tough
I can’t remember when I found out that my mother and I are 23 years apart. But it saved me some embarrassing moments. Like the time I told my first grade teacher that my mom was 16! That meant she was 10 years old when she gave birth to me. My mom loved doing crazy things like that and sometimes, she admitted years later, she’d say anything to shut me up. I was a non-stop talker as a kid which I’ve discovered through raising two of my own….can grate on your nerves like nails on a chalk board.
If you’re a parent, you’ve mastered the art of listening attentively when necessary….and invoking the “Mmmm Hmmm”…. “Hmmmm”…. “We’ll see”…. responses for those times that you really aren’t.
A few weeks ago I was taking my mom to a doctor’s appointment. I could tell she was nervous and I did everything I could to try and allay her fears. I looked over at her and in those few seconds it finally dawned on me that my mother is getting on up there in years. She’s a year old than her mother was when she died and I’m a year older than my mother was when this loss occurred.
Because I can better relate to the situation all these years later I have a more keen sense of how monumental and devastating that loss was. I mean I don’t know about you but I cannot imagine a world without my mother in it. She’s the one thing that has been constant in my life since I entered this world.
….Okay…okay…enough of that. I get sweaty palms thinking about it.
Oh…the doctor’s appointment….
Everything was fine. Clean bill of health and we’ll follow up in 6 months to a year. Good deal. We spent the rest of the day shopping, after an amazing lunch, and catching up on all the hot family gossip!
It’s funny how your mother seems larger than life, knowing all the right things to say and do when you’re growing up. Truth be told they’re flying by the seat of their pants and hoping everything turns out okay.
Parenting can be broken down into two methods:
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Parenting like their parents parented them
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Parenting the exact opposite of the way their parents parented them
Often times we mix the two…but these two models are pretty much what every kid this side of the Milky Way gets.
I understand and have accepted the fact that our roles haven’t completely reversed yet but we are on the cusp of the inevitability that one day I will care for her with just as much love and adoration as she has given me.
Watching Your Kids Grow Up Is Another Sobering Reminder of “The End”…if they don’t kill you first!
I swear to gawd it seems like just yesterday that my babies were running around in Spiderman undies, fuzzy wuzzy Thomas The Train slippers, and matching outfits
….uh…yeah, although the weren’t twins, I was that mom… don’t judge me!
Now one progeny is a fully grown adult and the other one is just a couple of years away. Where did the time go? And will whatever remains fly by as quickly.
I hope not…I’m actually just at a point where I can really kick my shoes off, let my fro down and have some real fun.
I’ve done my time…and now it’s time for me…
Will I Have That Time Tho….
That’s a question that has yet to be answered. I’m certainly banking on it and actively doing my part to have a fighting chance.
Several years ago I gave up smoking. Yay me!! Nasty habit that I never should have started but hell…look on the bright side….it could have been crack!
I do the smoothie thing…limit my meat consumption, exercise regularly and, for the most part, have a pretty amazing outlook on life.
I’m doing my part which is all any of us can do….
And even though I get caught up in my feelings about life’s end from time to time, I wouldn’t trade this existence I’ve had for anything in this world….
….wouldn’t want to do it over again…but definitely wouldn’t trade it…
Life is good….
Nubian Ayaba 